Another grey but mysterious and Godly morning. No sun--just swirling clouds and peace. Even the birds are quiet.
Went hiking w/ Scout yesterday and went off trail. Got "lost". Getting lost is a lot like life. I've hiked out and I'm coming back hopefully the way I went out. But no. I can't find my way. I then head along a ridge that I've never been on and not really sure what direction because there is no sun but it feels right. I feel that this ridge will take me to a cut between two large ridges which will take me to a trail I know. I follow the ridge for a while and then start heading down ridge slightly. I ended up not where I thought I would be, but at a trail I knew.
I tried to reach out and love people at God's Abundant Market last night but came away lonely and with d trying to run up on me. Instead of dealing with d I self medicated and watch a movie and felt fine.
Stretch and meditated for a short moment. Realized that doing meals on wheels this morn is reaching out and loving people if I want it to be and not just something I do. Z has a mysterious way of teaching by unveiling
Mo comes back this afternoon--glad. I will do right by that wonderful person. R has been totally uncommunicative for 32 hours now--wonder why, but it is ok to worry.

Except for the fact that I had to act like a lawyer for a period of time, yesterday was a wonderful day. It rained all morning so I went to the gym for an hour and a half, then to the grocery store to get salad stuff. Made a good vegie salad and probable took a nap. The sun came out and I got to work outside for a couple of hours, mostly cleaning up the wild flower garden. R called and we went for a nice hike around Tenn. rock up on Black Rock mountain. Good 2.5 miles of up and down. Went to dinner afterward and had our usual good time. Besides being hiking buddies and friends, we are becoming very supportive of each other. It is possible that we could reach a point of unconditional trust--that perfect brother and sister you read about in stories.
Also spent a good amount of time doing Foodways stuff. Why I put myself in this position is now certainly beyond me.
Got up and stretched and meditated this morn. Read Z's writings a couple of times and contemplated being a child of God--what it is like to see the world and God again through a 6 year old eyes. Brings nice beautiful thoughts. Makes the greens in the meadow more distinct with the wonder of how and why there are so many shades of green. And the clouds--oh the clouds.
I guess it is ok not to think about d for a while.

Foggy--rainy Suppose to be sunny and scout and I were going to hike the paths on the ridge behind Hambridge. Wonderful living in a rain forest except when iot rains 31 hours straight with no sign of let up.
Drove in early from Atl yesterday for a 8AM session with Z. Still amazes me, like a rainbow, how wise and astute she is--some I know is learned but the rest is a true gift from God. I hope she is able to figure out how to spread it around to others.
Suppose to spend 20 mins with d each morning. He hung on my back all afternoon and evening and though everything was happy and good, I couldn't even shake him. Even read several times the "to remember" provide by Z and wouldn't compute. Maybe d should be called gloom.
It is a new day--I live in a magical place and am loved by many. Think I'll be with God/Oneness today and just admire life.

You get what you ask for

It is 6:50 and has been raining all day. It has cleared and there is this deep blue hiding behind the ultra white cloud which is trying to peek out of the dirty brown cloud. The wispy clouds in the meadow flow like clean sheets as you put them on the bed. I look at it and ask do I deserve this? Asked that question numerous times before and I guess I got my answer in what is happening with D. I really need to learn that you get what you ask for. I think I am just waking up from a long sleep and starting to learn.